When you and your spouse make every effort to work on improving your marriage, sometimes things just do not work out. You may decide you are ready to initiate a divorce. For many couples, breaking this news can be difficult. While you may no longer love your partner, you do not want to intentionally inflict sadness or hurt your partner.
You can tell your spouse you no longer want to remain married in a respectful way. Doing so can help the divorce process proceed more easily. Consider the following tips.
Have a Plan
Although you are ready to tell your spouse you want a divorce, you need to take time to make some preparations. Think about what happens after you break the news. Make a list of things you want to talk about and explain how you came to your decision. Talk about how you see things moving forward regarding the children, where you will live, and so on.
Use the Right Tone
When you want to ask for a divorce, you need to use the right tone. You do not want to come off combative or angry. Keep in mind this is a person whom you once loved and cared for deeply. As such, you should feel obligated to discuss the divorce in an adult way.
You can calmly express your reasons why you wish to divorce. Explain that despite the conversations and attempts to repair your relationship, you do not believe the marriage can move forward in a healthy way.
If you have children, explain the drawbacks of remaining together in an unhappy environment and why you think they would benefit more from you going your separate ways. Also, do not have your children present for this conversation. You need to be alone and in a neutral setting.
Communicate Your Problems
In some marriages, one person may be completely oblivious that you are contemplating a divorce. If you have a history of counseling or attempts at repairing your relationship, make sure your spouse understands divorce is potentially on the table. You do not want to suddenly surprise your spouse with the news you want a divorce.
You both need to discuss the divorce in a bilateral way. Even though you are certain you no longer want to remain in the marriage, you need to gently lead up to the conversation rather than springing the news seemingly out of nowhere.
Expect a Hurtful Response
When you initiate a divorce, understand your spouse may respond in a way that may come off as hurtful. He or she may yell, become withdrawn, or walk away. Although you will understandably feel defensive, keep in mind you have had time to process the idea. Your spouse may have had a different idea as to the status of your relationship.
Give your spouse time to process the idea of divorce. Tell your spouse you are willing to meet again and talk about why you want the divorce when he or she is ready.
Do Not Make Threats
One thing you do not want to do is threaten divorce. Divorce is a serious matter and you have to mean what you say. Do not make the mistake of threatening divorce to get your spouse to come to your side of the argument or to get your way.
If you need assistance with your divorce, please contact us at The Lowry Law Firm.